would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
