i permit you to call me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
