Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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