if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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