im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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