someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
