How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
