Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
