u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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