I hate all girls vehemently.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
