my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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