i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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