my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
