I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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