Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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