I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize