She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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