just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
