Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
