I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
