One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
