i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
