Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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