he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
