If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
