The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
