Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
