I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
