i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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