just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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