I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
