SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
