apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
