If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
