We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
