I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
