How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
