Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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