The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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