They should really pass out barf bags in church
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
