Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
