Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
