we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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