I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
