just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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