i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
