I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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