I didn't shave. On purpose
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize