Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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