I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
