I accidentally had phone sex last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
