he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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