it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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