Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
