Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
