I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
