Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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