the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
