I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
