I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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