Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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