i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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