Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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