I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
