Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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