I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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