Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
