somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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