never play flip cup with pint glasses
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
