She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
