I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
